The Sun

The Sun

The sun is a very powerful thing. For me, it means love, light, hope, joy and new beginnings. It brings light to my life whenever it shines, and makes me feel really positive. I don’t feel like bingeing when it’s sunny, and hate doing it.

It means friends come round, it means people are around and available for contact and this makes me feel good. Nothing makes me feel more positive than being around people. I hate being alone, it makes me feel vulnerable and scared. I think I’m getting better at it though. Definitely since I started college, and when I have things I need to do, I can keep busy and don’t notice being alone so much. Oh, I still feel petrified, but I have stuff to do so it isn’t so bad. I’m alone right now, but because I have started writing this, it doesn’t feel so bad.

Anyway, the sun. I love it. It just makes me feel so good and positive, having it shining on my face and bringing light to the world. Everyone acts different in the sun. They smile at you when you walk past and comment on the glory of the day. They feel positive too and want to be social beings just like I do.

There’s another reason why I love the sun. It makes things grow. The blossom is out and the leaves are sprouting on the trees as they grow that beautiful lush green colour of spring that makes the world so beautiful.

When I was in the Regional hospital nearly three years ago, I reached one of the lowest points of my entire life. I honestly thought I was going to die. I had two nurses by my bed the entire night for fear of my life. How I survived I will never know. I think it was God’s doing. There’s no other explanation.

I saw a priest the next day, and he came to talk to me for hours on end. I will never forget him. His name was Patrick I think. He talked to me about God for a long time.

Then, he said something that I genuinely believe is the only reason I started eating again. It is the sole reason. He said, you can eat your vegetables and salads and grains, because when the sun shines, it makes them grow in the ground, and then they are picked and washed and there they are, on a plate ready to eat. So really, you’re eating the sun, he said.

The thought of consuming the lovely sun was such a wonderfully positive idea that I began eating things that grow. I will never forget him, he was amazing. It’s the only reason I started eating again. It just made so much sense and the thought of eating the sun just seemed so perfect.

I thank him every day for those words. And I thank God for keeping me alive and for making the sun shine on me. Even when it rains, I don’t mind too much, because that’s God watering his plants and making them grow more and bloom for me to look at and love.

I am alive, and I love it.